Sigh
I have a love-hate thing going on with the South. Of course, my congregant from Mississippi would tell me (rightly) that I am nowhere near ‘The South’ here in Virginia – she’d be right as far as that goes, but she’d be wrong too.
Today, I have to say that the stereotypical Southern approach to conflict – avoid, change the subject, cajole, agree to disagree, offer up prayer (for anything, it really doesn’t matter much what) as a way to get folks to just shut up – that of avoidance, the coming-at-you-sideways way of life, while useful from time to time, is exhausting for this gal of ‘The North’.*
So I’m going to forgive my Southern friends for having absolutely no idea how to do direct conflict – they were taught a very different way. But I am going to suggest to them that they take some lessons before entering such fraught arenas as FB.
Most, if not all, of my Southern friends will protest that this is not a North-South thing. I beg to differ: it’s fried chicken, for heaven’s sake!
And only in the South (of the United States) would anyone (1) buy something and (2) have the something bought be fried chicken and (3) call that a protest.
Just sayin.**
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* ‘The North’ – I know, I know: West Virginia isn’t the north. Except it is – at least when you’re living in the South. It’s only the South when you’re living in the North. (Try explaining that one to a visitor from another country).
**Here’s a hint at what’s going on here: I’m trying to do the Southern indirect thing and I am woefully inadequate to the task (Exhibit A: what I’ve written above). So here’s the direct skinny: I’m guessing you, my Southern buds, will be offended by the above. Don’t be: it’s actually an example of what I’m talking about. This is not bating, hating, speech. It’s humor as a way to express a disagreement, which leaves wide open what the actual disagreement is/might be.
Frankly, My Dear, I don't give a damn about your "Stereotypical Northern Attitude" concerning the "Southern Approach to Anything."
ReplyDeleteI don't think "making fun of" and "humor" are the same thing, but then what do I know ... I've lived in the south most of my life.
Dear Anonymous, Lovin the GWTW reference, while smiling at your reference to my thinking as 'stereotpyically northern' - directly 'proving' my point about the WV thing - I'm only a northerner to a southerner - to a northerner, I am a southerner and thus am poking fun at myself (btw, I buy my fried chicken at the local gas station - best I've ever had). Your reaction also proves what I suspected even as I was writing - that I was failing at what I was trying to do - use 'Southern' indirection to make my point - clearly all I've succeeded at doing is hurting your feelings - which, truly, was not my intent. I should have known better and I really am sorry for that.
DeleteI, like you, am a northern transplant to the south (does KY count as south? I know I'm south of the Mason-Dixon line...) and I am constantly putting my foot (feet?) in my mouth. I want to talk about what there is to talk about, not talk around the issue and hope, at the end of the conversation, that we're on the same page. I hate conflict as much as the next person, but "ripping off the band-aid" I think is kinder (and quicker). I would like to cut to the chase and be done with it, and let everyone truly say what they mean (and mean what they say!). Sigh...
ReplyDeleteLaurie,Although not quite a transplant, I get what you're saying. I can't be a southern apologist, but the idea that conflict costs too much runs pretty deep I think. Living outside one's own cultural context always, I also think, leaves one feeling that one has missed an entire conversation because one does not speak the language, which is its own form of exhaustion. Having spent some time in the Middle East, I can say that American 'directness' is as mysterious to folks I've known there as their form of indirection is mysterious to me. Patience is the things called for. (And the occasional call to a friend whose language you do speak is a necessary part of the tool kit of living as a stranger in a strange land). Blessings in the journey, Beth
DeleteI get the North-South thing. I am sorry one of your readers was offended -because it truly is a "lanugage" barrier.
ReplyDeleteOne of many examples I have is about my mom who is from the south- Farmersville, Louisiana - even sounds deep south - at least to me. She is so indirect that I am just understanding things she told me as a child and this only after I've been grown and asked her what she meant!
please don't be offended - just laugh - she would!
Rhonda, I think it was Oscar Wilde who said that the US and England are divided by a common language - sort of the same thing with North and South and all that lies in between. Thanks for sharing! Beth
DeleteSome would say they "Beat around the bush" instead of "getting to the point" of whatever it is they want to say - or just maybe "mind your own business" and "I will mind mine"
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking maybe both are true at the same time.
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