It's utterly silly, frivolous even, I know. But the other night watching a bit of television, I got to wondering what it must be like to be famous -- not in any deep or reflective way -- just about, well, the cool stuff you get to do just cos you’re famous or cool, that the rest of us should have a chance – just a chance – at
1. Participate on television in an Alan Rickman-Off. Jimmy Fallon and Benedict Cumberbatch – they get to do stuff like that and have the rest of us watch. Wouldn’t you, just once, love to be that guy? I know I would, and I’m not even a guy.
2. Have someone actually ask me for a copy of a sermon or better yet, ask me to preach because of my book they just read/got/heard about. Yeah, I want to be that gal – just once. Please, Lord?
3. Be allowed to use the word ‘oligarch’ in a sentence and not be slammed as getting above my raising. It was Cumberbatch and he is English, so that probably explains it.
4. Having strangers to cry because you die. Now we ordinary folk can get that weird privilege – all we have to do is die in a very moving, extraordinary or gruesome way. Of course, now that I think about it, that's the way it pretty much is for the famous as well. Never mind.
5. To be interviewed on television for something interesting that you’ve thought or written or done and not for some horror happening in your neighborhood. Yeah, that would be nice.
6. Have photographers take pictures of you and your friends coming out of your house after dinner, asking ‘who are you wearing’ and wanting to know about the menu and the table conversation.
7. Have your plan for world peace be taken seriously.
8. Get invited to an event with interesting people because you’re interesting.
9. Get to be the spokesperson for an important charity you passionately believe in.
10. Get a million sympathy cards and 10 million FB likes for your most recent sorrow.
11. Have a million people follow your tweets and share them with their friends.
12. Get to see the special private collections at museums.
13. Go through airport security in the fast lane, hassle free.
14. Be asked to introduce the President at a function.
15. Have everyone in the room give you a standing O when you walk in.
16. Be invited to make your signature dish on Ellen.
17. Have Jon Stewart laugh at your jokes not because you’re funny, but because he’s a nice guy and appreciates the effort.
18. Be the first in your neighborhood to get new techno products.
19. Never, ever, ever, have to stand in a line again.
20. Be given clothes to wear just because you’re you.
Ah, jealousy, such an ugly thing. But sometimes, it would be nice to be treated as if I were of the rich and famous. Most days it doesn’t matter. But I really would like a shot at the Alan Rickmanoff. I think I can do it. Really. Call me. Anybody?