Saturday, August 24, 2013

I Want to Go Home

There is a big chunk
of me that wants to
go home – with no
home to go to, for
the home I want is
the place where
and the people who
understand without
explaining – share
without defining –
receive and give with
no thought of the 
exchange, nothing
weighed in the balance
– and too many of them
are no more and time
has moved on and home
is not home anymore

It is a place in the now
that only resides in my
past – I have become 
a woman of a certain
age who wants to go
to home that no longer
is and I am sad – but
not too sad – for I have
long lived in foreign
countries – in the homes
of others – the perpetual
guest relying upon the
kindness of strangers
for no matter how well
we may know each other
you are not home for me
nor I for you

so maybe that’s what 
heaven is – home – 
where all the guards
come down and all is
well even when not well
because it is home
and that is enough
and more than enough
for now, for always
I hope I’ll recognize
it when I get there

it’s hard and tiring
work to be the perpetual
guest and of late, I do
not do the work well –
insufficiently grateful,
graceful – forgetting for
a time that I am not home
and leaving the mask on
the dresser when I leave
the house only to find
that I forgot when no one
else did and they wonder
who I am, this maskless
woman they do not know

Yes, I want to go home
I used to think it was
enough to be at home
in my own skin – but I 
was wrong – Lord, how 
I miss my own kind –
so different, so same
where we all know the
words to the songs of
our lives together and 
don’t much care if we
sing off-key or on
where we all know the
endings to the stories
before they’re even begun

I miss my people and
I want to go home

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