Showing posts with label so what if i'm not. Show all posts
Showing posts with label so what if i'm not. Show all posts

Monday, December 30, 2013

So What If I'm Not

Looking for a jump-started feeling of inspiration, I (being a woman of this 21st century), of course, go to Google and type in inspiration for today and find, of course, a series of images that promise to do just that.

Above is my pick from among the over 500 million choices I might have made: The future belongs to the few of us still willing to get our hands dirty.

It’s a catchy little thing, isn’t it?  And don’t you love the visual of the dirty hands?  I do.

But here’s the thing: I didn’t pick this one because it inspired me.  Quite the opposite, in fact: I picked it because it doesn’t inspire me.

What it does is make me stop and wonder why I would believe even for an instant that I am “one of the few” and why that would matter either way.

When it comes to this notion of changing our future, I fear I am not one of the few.

I’m not even sure there are a few.

There might be many or there might be none at all.

Either way, I doubt I’m among them.

So what?

So what if I am or if I am not?

Really – so what?

And does not the present require more of me than the future?

Can I really be in a position, dwelling as I do in the present, to dictate anything, including change, to the future?  And even if I can, should I?

Could things be better?

(of course)

Should they be better?

(probably)

Will they be better?

(I am not in a position to know)

The present tense is all I can inhabit.  It is where I dwell.  To ponder the future as if I were in a position to shape it . . . well, even to think on that makes me tremble.

The present tense is my domain.

I am struggling every second of every minute of it to inhabit it well.

From that struggle, perhaps the future will be better.

I know not.

So, seriously, I doubt I am or ever will be one of the few.

My own non-resolving New Year’s resolution: to inhabit my own peculiar lack of specialness with the comfort of old shoes and holey blue jeans and call that good and good enough . . . that’s me for today . . . tomorrow?  Who knows.