Disjunct in real time
Really?
My dog died
great
My pony ran away with the mailman
great
I’ve got snow up to my roof
great
I lost my job
great
My husband you want to sell that credit card to is in heaven
great
It just makes you wonder, doesn’t it?
When did the art of listening disappear?
When did my inability to speak,
the deep hard chest cough that keeps me awake at night
the achey soreness of the common cold
become great news for you?
I really am curious to know
does a cold make me more susceptible to your sales pitch?
Nah - we both know better - don’t we?
Your success depends, you think, are taught,
on not listening to a single thing I say
So the next time one of your kind calls,
I think that instead of hanging up,
I’m going to stay on the phone
and have a little fun – while you
give me your sales pitch, I’m going
to give you mine – I imagine it
going a little something like this:
YOU How’s it going today?
ME Do you know Jesus?
YOU Great.
ME As your personal Lord and Savior?
YOU I’m calling about your car warranty.
ME Do you know where you would go if you died tonight?
YOU Did you know it’s about to expire?
ME Will you say the sinner’s prayer with me?
YOU And for just another $3,000 payable over the next 3 years (plus interest, of course), you can continue uninterrupted your bumper to bumper coverage (if, of course, you live in the northern regions of Alberta and have 10 children under the age of 4 and can prove that you never drove the car any faster than 20 miles per hour – you know – the usual stuff).
ME Great.
YOU So, how about I get my boss on the line.
ME Just repeat after me: Dear Jesus
YOU Do you have your credit card ready?
ME I am a sinner
YOU I’m sorry – what? Yeah, it would be a sin not to get this coverage at this great price, wouldn’t it?
ME without You, I am lost
YOU Well, that’s nice of you to say – happy I could help.
ME I invite you into my heart and into my life
YOU Again, that’s nice, but I really don’t get down to Virginia much.
ME Amen.
YOU So here comes my boss. You have a nice day. And thank you very much for your business.
Who says Christians (even with bad colds) have no sense of humor?
Telephone marketer: “How are you today?”“Great”?
Me: “Well, I’m not fine. I’ve got a cold”
Telephone marketer: “Great”
Really?
My dog died
great
My pony ran away with the mailman
great
I’ve got snow up to my roof
great
I lost my job
great
My husband you want to sell that credit card to is in heaven
great
It just makes you wonder, doesn’t it?
When did the art of listening disappear?
When did my inability to speak,
the deep hard chest cough that keeps me awake at night
the achey soreness of the common cold
become great news for you?
I really am curious to know
does a cold make me more susceptible to your sales pitch?
Nah - we both know better - don’t we?
Your success depends, you think, are taught,
on not listening to a single thing I say
So the next time one of your kind calls,
I think that instead of hanging up,
I’m going to stay on the phone
and have a little fun – while you
give me your sales pitch, I’m going
to give you mine – I imagine it
going a little something like this:
YOU How’s it going today?
ME Do you know Jesus?
YOU Great.
ME As your personal Lord and Savior?
YOU I’m calling about your car warranty.
ME Do you know where you would go if you died tonight?
YOU Did you know it’s about to expire?
ME Will you say the sinner’s prayer with me?
YOU And for just another $3,000 payable over the next 3 years (plus interest, of course), you can continue uninterrupted your bumper to bumper coverage (if, of course, you live in the northern regions of Alberta and have 10 children under the age of 4 and can prove that you never drove the car any faster than 20 miles per hour – you know – the usual stuff).
ME Great.
YOU So, how about I get my boss on the line.
ME Just repeat after me: Dear Jesus
YOU Do you have your credit card ready?
ME I am a sinner
YOU I’m sorry – what? Yeah, it would be a sin not to get this coverage at this great price, wouldn’t it?
ME without You, I am lost
YOU Well, that’s nice of you to say – happy I could help.
ME I invite you into my heart and into my life
YOU Again, that’s nice, but I really don’t get down to Virginia much.
ME Amen.
YOU So here comes my boss. You have a nice day. And thank you very much for your business.
Who says Christians (even with bad colds) have no sense of humor?
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